Tuesday 28 July 2015

Today I Resigned, With No Job To Go To..

Today, was the first day in a very long time that I woke up 'easily', there wasn't the usual horrific migraines, I didn't yank my eye mask down from wherever it had slid to and the battle with my eyelids just didn't happen. Today, is the day I resigned from the first job I have ever had, after four and a half years of hard work..

Have you ever had a toothache? A niggling pain that at the start, you only really notice late at night whilst snuggled up in bed or when you're in a day dream, a pain that with the hustle and bustle of daily life, you don't really notice it's there, but gradually over time this pain grows and it becomes more and more noticeable until it's so unbearable that even the most simplest of tasks leave you feeling full of dread and generally deflated until it gets to the point where you can't stand it any more and something has to be done, so off to the dentist you go. My job is the toothache - without the dentist..

Some of you (my parents) might be shouting at the screen 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!' But believe me, this is anything but a rash decision!

The people I work with are lovely, and apart from the occasional female environment drama, time spent having random conversations about nothing, can often be the highlight of my day. And I can't say it's the job itself that I hate as I'm good at what I do and I could do it with my eyes closed. So 'why are you leaving' you might ask, I think what I've pinned it down to, is that it's not what I want to do with my life, and as small or silly as that fact might seem, that fact has picked away at me for so long that I feel like I'm suffocating. Waking up in the morning feels me with dread that I have to spend another day doing something that bores the life out of me!

For the last few months, a good nights sleep and days without migraines were thin and far between and it wasn't until the last couple of months that I noticed a pattern. On a 'school day' I would wake up constantly throughout the night and once the morning came felt more exhausted than when I actually went to bed, fast forward to the night before my day off and my bedtime is often much later than usual, yet the next morning I wake up the same time if not earlier feeling fresh and ready to go. I spent so long perplexed as to why it varied so greatly until one day I began to wonder whether work was a factor and from then on I couldn't ignore it!

Don't get me wrong, not having a job and doing nothing all day is not what I want to do either and I hear my dads disbelieving sigh as I write this but I've come to a point where if I hate something this much, and I want to spend some time on myself working out what I want to do with the next chapter of my life, then the time to do it is whilst I'm still living at home with no chance of eviction (I hope..).

Now there's no way I'm planning on living off my parents or the government and I have been preparing for the time when I take the plunge, with enough money saved up to cover my bills for the next 6 months! And I am looking for jobs, but for now they're temporary, work that will tied me over, nothing permanent that is just going to lead me to feeling suffocated once again, I even have hopes that as my little blog grows I might even start to receive some income through it, but we'll see!

So, in one month time, I will be handing back my badges and after what I'm sure will be an emotional farewell, I will be leaving my Clarkies behind..

I think the point of this post (apart from convincing myself it was the right decision) is that if something, anything, not just work has a negative impact that starts to affect not only your moods but your wellbeing then it's time to make a change! Don't waste precious moments of your life doing something you don't enjoy!

If you've made a major life decision recently then get in touch and let me know how it's going!


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